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Hogarth.

by Sylvia Haynes

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1.
Calendar. 04:37
All my friends have different names when they speak to each other. We make our fists into bottles and get drunk off one another. We clean our lungs with fire; we weren't taught better by our mothers, and all my friends have different names when they speak to each other. All these places have morphed and changed, after all these years. All my fears have stayed the same; the end, I fear, is near, now I'm screaming as loud as I can, but even I can't seem to hear, and All my fears have stayed the same after all these years. She told me "You gotta get your head right, boy. I can't keep myself around if you don't want yourself around" I won't take my medicine, and she is on a regimen, and I cannot remember when I knew the meaning of that word. all my friends have different names when they speak to each other.
2.
Ghost. 03:54
Constant calling coming from a silver throat. Made my mind up after only several strokes. Raindrops echo in a tin pan. Hubris falling into my hands. Constant calling coming from a silver throat. Made my mind up after all the words I wrote. Silence, heavy over my head. Violence, hiding under my bed. Constant calling coming from a silver throat. All the children laughing at the billy goat. The most that a grape is worth is wine and the sand on the beach isn't worth my time, and the moon aint worth a good god damn, and the sun just aint part of my plan, and the ocean is just a mystery, and the earth is just something to seed, and the bleeding you do will not relieve the pain that you cause your self with greed, and the lines that you leave, they are just make-believe, and the air that you breathe, it is just make-believe, and the filth and the trees, they are just make-believe, and the ghost that I leave, it is just make-believe, and
3.
Happening. 05:20
I wasn't always this way. If only you'd have met me in younger days. We could have been what you want. We could have been what I think you want, but You don't tell me what you want, and I don't tell me what I want. Can't you see I've become quite gaunt? The food I eat has begun to taunt me, I've begun to grind my teeth, I cannot find relief. and the world doesn't seem to be happening. Because the drum I beat isn't heard by anyone. For I am weak and cannot beat a drum to save my life. I should take a knife, and carve my name, as if it were my right, into the desk where i write: into the cave where I hide. I'm a meat and steam factory don't describe my face to me I'm a meat and steam factory this heat is getting to me and the world doesn't seem to be happening.
4.
Spine. 02:58
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5.
Patience. 05:22
Soldiers, I don't know you. Skeletons, I don't need you. Saviors, I don't want you. Saviors, I don't need you. I do not wish to be saved. Patients, I don't know you. Nurses, I don't need you. Doctors, I don't want you. Saviors, I don't need you. I do not wish to be saved; I do not deserve to be saved. I want to kill myself, but I'm so afraid i'll die.
6.
Demon. 05:39
Who you callin pretty? you aint seen my insides theres a hell of a creature in there. Who you callin well-fed? you aint seen my ink-blots there's a hell of a mother in there. and I said, "Boy, I aint blessed, I'm a demon. Boy, I aint the son of the lord" I was sitting on the stoop of my house yesterday lighting my cigarettes with all the bills I hadn't payed I had delayed all my duties, and that aint unique, but I forgot what I was smoking I didn't recognize the stink. and I said, "Stoop kid's afraid to leave his stoop" I gotta tear our my tongue I gotta break all my bones I gotta challenge my mortality I gotta straighten my spine I gotta buy more time I gotta tamper with reality and I said, "Boy, I aint blessed, I'm a demon. Boy, I aint the son of the lord" "Stoop kid's afraid to leave his stoop"
7.
/ Plastic. You took something from me today. I knew it left, but I felt no pain. I knew you were taking it. I knew that it was there. I tried as hard as I could to ignore it I tried as hard as I could to just focus on your eyes, but they only stay open for so long. I am almost gone. There is only this song. Once it is over I will be too. / Clock. tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock-tock-tock.

about

The winter I spent becoming again and what this time, who?
-pictures from a photo album and salt on the ice in the glass.
-a personality disorder and trips to hardware stores and pharmacies.
-an inverted orgasm and a promise made in flesh.

The winter I stole bodies and his banjo
and gave them back
because they didn't fit quite right.

They came for me and I went quietly.

They gave me a flower for each of my sins.

I tried to let them wilt before spring came.

there was no spring.

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credits

released May 15, 2014

written and recorded by Sylvia Haynes during the winter of 2014.

art and layout by Freddie Ross.

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Sylvia Haynes New Jersey

a musician trying to score a film larger than she can comprehend.

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primarily home recordings.

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Kentucky Wonder Records
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